If you’re feeling overwhelmed, chances are you have a long list of things you feel like you have to do. 

And if you’re managing a chronic illness such as cancer, or caring for a family member who is in this situation, that list of responsibilities might feel like it’s swallowing you whole. 

The pressure to do it all—and do it perfectly—can be exhausting.

If this describes you even one little bit, I’d like to invite you to invest just 5-10 minutes in a simple exercise that will help lift the weight off your shoulders, and will also give you some ideas on how to reduce the overwhelm even further. 

Don’t worry - this isn’t about ignoring your obligations, but rather about recognizing the power you have to approach them differently. 

Ready? Here’s how to begin:

Step 1: Get It All Out

Start by listing everything you feel you have to do. I suggest dictating because it’s faster and will loosen up your brain a bit and allow you to free-associate.  But writing is fine if you prefer. 

Don’t hold back or overthink—just let it flow. The aim is to free up your mind, not to make a perfectly organized to-do list.

Use this structure: “I have to…”

• I have to work 60 hours a week.

• I have to send money to my parents.

• I have to host everyone for Thanksgiving.

• I have to be the peacekeeper in my family.

• I have to help everyone else stay afloat.

• I have to clean my house

• I have to do my taxes

• I have to…

• I have to…

• I have to…

Okay. Now that you have this list, look at it and see how you feel. Are you feeling weighed down? Frustrated? Overwhelmed? Angry? That’s okay—it’s part of the process.

Step 2: Flip the Script

Now, here’s where the magic happens. 

Everywhere you see the words  “I HAVE to,” replace them with “I CHOOSE to.”

For example:

• “I choose to work 60 hours a week.”

• “I choose to send money to my parents.”

• “I choose to host Thanksgiving.”

You do not have to have to do anything.  You choose to do so. 

You do not even have to do your taxes or take out the trash (think of the TV show “Hoarders!”  Yes, not to do these two particular things would be a poor choice and would carry some consequences - but it’s still a choice.

When you’re honest about the fact that you are choosing to do these things, you reclaim your agency. 

Realizing that you are choosing to do the things in your life rather than having to do them has probably already lifted a load off your shoulders because you understand that you have the power to choose.  Some people like to do this exercise substituting “I GET to” for “I HAVE to.”

Some people like to try this with “I get to” instead of “I choose to.” Find what feels right for you. The key is to reframe these demands into actions that align with your values and intentions.

Step 3: Decide What You Truly Want to Keep

Now that you understand that everything is a choice and you have changed how you feel about the things you do, you may feel you don’t need to change too many of the  things in your life. 

But if you do, you are now better poised to look at the list of your choices and decide which ones you want to let go of. It turns out it’s much easier to drop an activity, task, or commitment if you realize that if you picked it up, you can put it down. There’s likely very little on your list that couldn’t be deleted, delegated, or at the very least, modified to become more doable.

For example, you may feel better about hosting Thanksgiving if you feel you chose to do so, and connect it with your value of keeping family traditions alive. OR, you may feel okay with letting it go this year because it would make more sense to have someone else do it.

Notice that seeing things as choices makes it easier to keep the things that you want to keep, and easier to let go of the things that are no longer serving you. Choice works both ways!

If you are feeling stuck, it’s because you believe that you have no choices. Until you stop believing this, nothing will change. Everything is a choice.

If you look at your list and still feel overwhelmed, or if saying “no” feels too difficult or brings up guilt, please reach out to me for help. You deserve that freedom, and I’m here to help you find it.

Write to me at [email protected] to let me know what you'd like help with, or book a call:

Stress/overwhelm/work-life/relationship issues: endselfsabotagenow.com

Weight loss or emotional eating:  releaseemotionaleating.com

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