Let’s be honest—when someone says or does something that rubs you the wrong way, the default reaction is usually to fume. To stew in that deliciously awful mix of irritation and self-righteousness. But let me tell you, resentment? It’s a sneaky little thief. It doesn’t just steal your peace of mind—it wrecks your relationships, keeps you stuck, and honestly, makes you feel worse in the long run.

It feels like this is hard-wired into us, doesn’t it? But I decided it wasn’t helping me and I had to unlearn this habit.

And today I’d like to share with you how I did it, so you can do it too.

So, here’s my secret weapon: curiosity. I know, it sounds counterintuitive. But here’s the thing—when you get curious about why someone acted the way they did, it shifts the energy completely. Suddenly, you’re not sitting in judgment; you’re seeking to understand. And that? That changes everything.

Here’s how I do it. When someone says something that makes me want to fire off a snarky comeback (or just walk away muttering to myself), I pause and ask myself: “What’s going on with them right now?” Maybe they’re stressed. Maybe they misunderstood me. Maybe they’re carrying something heavy I can’t see. 

Because here’s the thing:

Nine times out of ten, their reaction has nothing to do with me and everything to do with what they’re going through. Realizing that makes all the difference in the world. It helps me respond, not react.

Curiosity also turns the mirror inward. If I’m all judge-y, I ask: “What’s this bringing up for me?” Because sometimes, let’s face it, our own insecurities or unmet needs are amplifying the situation. When I dig deeper, I often find that what bothers me about someone else is something I haven’t fully dealt with in myself. Ouch. But also… growth.

And let’s not forget how curiosity improves interactions. People can feel the difference when you approach them with openness instead of judgment. It disarms them. It invites connection. Sometimes, it even leads to those rare, magical moments where you actually work through the issue instead of letting it simmer. You might even find that someone you expected to be an enemy turns out to be a great friend.

So, next time someone annoys you, try swapping resentment for curiosity. Ask questions—both of them and yourself. You might be surprised by what you discover. And you’ll probably feel a whole lot lighter, too.

This is one of life’s most useful skills. So if it’s hard for you, you owe it to yourself to master it.  I’ve got loads of ways to help you do just that.

Write to me at [email protected] to let me know what you'd like help with, or book a call:

Stress/overwhelm/work-life/relationship issues: endselfsabotagenow.com

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