When you’ve been through something as life-altering as cancer, you learn pretty quickly who’s truly there for you—and who isn’t. You see relationships shift, some growing deeper, others fading away. Maybe you’ve felt let down, abandoned, or misunderstood. So, you do what feels safe: You build walls. You protect yourself. You make sure no one can hurt you again.

And at first, it feels good. Safe. Like finally, you have control. But over time, that safety starts to feel more like loneliness. The walls that were supposed to protect you start to feel like a prison.

So how do you know if you’re setting healthy boundaries or shutting the world out completely?

How do you know if someone’s comment or question was thoughtless or whether it was innocent and well-intended but triggered you because you are sensitive to the subject? 

How do you do a mental an emotional “reset” like a dog or cat shaking to get their fur back to normal, before deciding whether to “school” the person, gently speak your truth, ignore them and let it go, or cut them out of your life?

Boundaries vs. Isolation: The Key Difference

Boundaries are about choosing what (and who) you allow into your space. They protect your peace without cutting you off from love and support. Isolation, on the other hand, is about shutting everything out—good and bad—because it feels easier than risking disappointment.

If you find yourself saying things like:

• “I’m better off handling this alone.”

• “No one really understands, so why bother?”

• “I don’t have the energy to explain myself to people anymore.”

Then you might not be setting boundaries—you might be building walls.

Why We Lock Ourselves Away

After cancer, everything changes—your body, your mindset, your relationships. It’s exhausting to navigate. And when people don’t show up the way you need them to, it’s tempting to retreat, to assume no one will ever get it. But isolation doesn’t protect you from hurt. It just keeps you from healing.

The truth? Healing isn’t just physical. It’s emotional. And that means reconnecting—not necessarily with everyone, but with the right people.

Finding the Balance

• Check in with yourself. Are you distancing yourself from toxic relationships—or from everyone? Be honest about whether you’re protecting your peace or just avoiding connection.

• Start small. Letting people in doesn’t mean tearing down all your walls at once. Try reconnecting with one trusted person. A small step is still progress.

• Express what you need. Some people may not have known how to support you before—but that doesn’t mean they can’t learn. Tell them what helps and what doesn’t.

• Find your community. Whether it’s a cancer support group, an online space, or one good friend, connection is key. You don’t have to go through this alone.

• Get professional help. Work with a trauma-informed therapist or coach who can help you face what you’ve been through, put it into perspective, and choose boundaries and connections that help you thrive.

You Deserve Both Safety and Love

It’s okay to protect yourself. It’s okay to be cautious. But don’t let fear keep you from the love and support you deserve. The right people will show up—if you let them. 💛

If you need a little help defining the line between boundaries and connection, please reach out to me.

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