I’m starting to think there’s a conspiracy against me. By restaurants.

Seriously.

I’m vegan, which means finding restaurants where I can get something I actually want to eat can be a bit of a challenge. So when I find one I really like, I remember it. And I look forward to going back.

Except lately, my favorite restaurants seem to be disappearing.

One of my favorites, which I always look forward to visiting when I’m in the Cocoa Beach area, is closing this week because the building is being sold.

Bummer.

Then I arrived at a conference after a long day of traveling. I attended an online class that ended a few minutes after six and thought, “Great! I can walk over to one of my favorite Charleston restaurants for dinner.”

It’s just a few minutes from my hotel.

Except when I checked their website, I discovered they’d decided to close early tonight to give their staff some time off.

Okay. Good for them. Not so good for my dinner plans.

So I started checking my other options.

There was a Thai restaurant I’d really enjoyed a couple of years ago. Perfect! I hadn’t made it there on my last visit, so this would be a great opportunity.

I checked the walking distance on my phone.

"Permanently closed."

Are you KIDDING me?!

Later in the week, another of my Charleston favorites was completely booked up when I tried to book a table that night.

At this point, I started wondering whether the universe was trying to tell me something.

Maybe I should eat less. Which, to be fair, is probably true. But that wasn’t really the point.

The point was that I had made a plan. I had counted on something familiar. And suddenly, one option after another had disappeared.

And then I got to thinking…

Isn’t it interesting how we react when the things we count on suddenly aren’t there anymore?

We all have our familiar places, routines, and ways of doing things. We develop expectations about how life works and what we can rely on.

Until we can't.

Sometimes the disruption is relatively minor. Like finding somewhere else to eat.

And sometimes it's life-altering, something that turns your entire world upside down.

Like getting cancer.

When you’ve had cancer, you know what it’s like to have your plans completely disrupted. The future you thought you could count on suddenly looks very different. Even after treatment ends, you may find yourself struggling with uncertainty and wondering whether life will ever feel predictable again.

When cancer enters your life, it can change so much more than your health. It can change your relationship with your body, your confidence in your decisions, and your expectations about the future.

Things you used to take for granted may suddenly feel uncertain.

And you might find yourself desperately wanting things to go back to the way they were.

Because familiar feels safe.

So when something unexpected happens, our brains can start looking for patterns, explanations, or evidence that things are going wrong.

One restaurant closing is disappointing. Four restaurant disappointments in a row? Suddenly I’m wondering whether the universe has something against me!

Of course, I know that’s ridiculous.

But our brains do this with bigger things, too.

After cancer, an unexpected ache or pain might send your mind racing toward the worst possible explanation. A change in plans might feel overwhelming when you’re already emotionally exhausted.

So what can you do?

Start by noticing the story you're telling yourself.

Is this really evidence that everything is going wrong? Or is your brain simply trying to make sense of something unexpected?

That question doesn't magically make the disappointment or fear disappear. But it creates a little space between what happened and the meaning your mind immediately assigns to it.

You can say, "This is disappointing," without deciding, "This proves everything is falling apart."

And you can notice that your mind has jumped to the worst-case scenario without treating that scenario as a prediction.

But there's another piece to this.

What happens when going back to the way things were isn't an option?

Here's something I've learned: Trusting yourself doesn't mean knowing exactly what to do. It means believing you can figure out what to do, even when the old answers don't work anymore.

Think about that for a minute.

Before cancer, you may have trusted your body without giving it much thought. You made plans. You worked hard. You assumed that if you did the right things, things would generally work out.

Then cancer happened.

And suddenly, the rules you thought you understood didn't seem to apply anymore.

It's understandable that you might question your judgment, second-guess your decisions, or feel afraid to make plans.

But here's the thing.

You don't have to have everything figured out to start trusting yourself again.

You can be disappointed that things have changed AND believe that you can find a way forward.

You can miss the life you had AND start exploring what you want your life to look like now.

And you can acknowledge that the future is uncertain without assuming you're incapable of handling whatever comes next.

This doesn't mean you have to love unexpected changes or pretend that cancer was somehow a gift.

It means recognizing that even when you can't control what happens, you can develop more confidence in your ability to respond.

So the next time something unexpected happens and your mind starts heading toward the worst-case scenario, pause and ask yourself:

What do I actually know? What am I assuming? And what other explanations might be possible?

Then, instead of stopping at "What if something goes wrong?" try adding another question.

"And if it does, what could I do?"

Not because you can prepare for every possibility. You can't.

But because shifting your attention from everything you can't control to the choices you still have can help you feel less helpless.

Maybe that means asking for help. Maybe it means trying something new. Maybe it means giving yourself permission to make a decision without knowing for certain how it will turn out.

And sometimes, it simply means being willing to consider Plan B.

Or C.

Or D.

I'm still hoping my favorite restaurants will stop disappearing.

But here's the good news. I did manage to make a reservation for the following night at the restaurant that had been fully booked. And I had a wonderful dinner there with a friend. And we found a new-to-us hole-in-the-wall place to eat that night, even if it did take a bit of discussion to get everyone to agree on one place. (And yes, next time I'm here, I'll try harder to get friends to commit earlier and book reservations ahead of time.)

So apparently, the universe isn't completely against me after all. 😉

But here's what I'm reminding myself: Just because the place I expected to go is no longer available doesn't mean there isn't somewhere else worth discovering—or another way to get where I wanted to go.

And maybe that's worth remembering about life, too.

What about you? Is there something in your life that you're still trying to make work the way it used to, even though circumstances have changed?

What might become possible if you trusted yourself to find a different way?

Take a moment today to notice one situation where your mind has jumped to the worst-case scenario. Instead of getting caught up in everything that might go wrong, think about what choices you have and how you might handle the situation.

You can't prevent every unexpected twist life throws at you. And after cancer, those twists can have a much bigger impact than they used to. But you don't have to spend the rest of your life waiting for the other shoe to drop. You can learn to stop assuming the worst every time something unexpected happens, and feel more confident that you'll be able to figure things out, even when life doesn't go according to plan. If that's something you're struggling with and you'd like to change that, I'd love to help. Let's talk.

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