This morning, my cats were sitting at the window doing their best vulture imitations, intensely watching the recycling truck make its way down the street.

They were riveted.

They can’t really control what they pay attention to the way we can. Instinct takes over. If it moves, they have to watch it.

And it made me think about how often I talk with people about attention and energy: what deserves our attention, what gets far more than it deserves, and what gets it without us even realizing it.

So let me turn that question over to you:

What are you paying attention to that really doesn’t require your attention?

Some of it is probably pretty obvious.

There are the things you actively think about, worry about, plan for, research, check, recheck, and put on your to-do list.

Some of those things need your attention.

Some don’t.

Maybe some are things you can’t control. Things where all the watching, worrying, analyzing, and thinking in the world won’t change the outcome.

Maybe some aren’t actually that important to you, but somehow they keep getting your attention anyway.

And maybe some are things that aren’t really yours.

You know you’re keeping track of them. You know you’re thinking about whether your partner remembered to do something, whether your colleague is going to meet a deadline, whether your adult child is making a decision you think is a mistake, or whether somebody is upset with you.

You may even understand that none of this is really yours to manage.

But knowing that doesn’t necessarily stop you from thinking about it.

All of that is attention you can see yourself spending.

But there’s another kind that’s much harder to see.

What is your brain paying attention to without you even realizing it?

Because your conscious to-do list, and even your conscious pay-attention-to list, aren’t the only things using your mental and emotional energy.

Think about all those programs you can have running in the background on your computer. You’re not looking at them. They aren’t the active window on your screen. You may have even forgotten some of them are open.

But they’re still there.

And they’re still using resources and slowing down the system.

Your brain can do something similar.

It can be constantly taking in information, looking for patterns, anticipating what might happen next, and deciding what may require a response, all without you consciously telling it to.

You may be automatically noticing the slightest change in someone’s tone of voice. Scanning a room to see how everyone is doing. Registering that something seems “off.” Keeping track of what could go wrong or what you might have forgotten. Anticipating what someone will need so you can take care of it before they ask.

You aren't necessarily choosing to think about any of this.

Your brain may simply have learned somewhere along the way that this is what it needs to do.

That means you can be using enormous amounts of mental and emotional energy without even realizing you're doing so.

And after cancer, there can be a particularly resource-hungry background program running….

Maybe cancer isn't the active window on your screen anymore. Or you’re trying hard to minimize it, but it keeps popping back up again. You’re working. Having dinner with your family. Making plans. Laughing with a friend. Living your life.

But somewhere in the background, part of your brain may still be monitoring.

Was that ache there yesterday? When is my next scan? Why am I so tired today? That person had the same kind of cancer I did. What if mine comes back?

You may not be consciously thinking about cancer all day.

But that doesn’t mean your brain isn’t spending resources on it.

Watching. Checking. Waiting.

And just like a computer with too many programs running in the background, you may notice the effects without realizing what’s causing them. You’re mentally tired. You have trouble concentrating. You feel overwhelmed more easily. There just doesn’t seem to be as much bandwidth available for everything else.

Because after something happened that you never thought would happen, staying vigilant can feel like a prerequisite to feeling safe.

Some things genuinely do require your attention. Your health matters. The people you love matter. Your responsibilities matter.

But being responsible doesn’t have to mean paying attention to everything.

And vigilance isn’t the same as control.

Your brain has limited bandwidth. So do your mental, emotional, and physical energy. The goal isn’t to give cancer all the space it wants and then decide what gets whatever is left. It’s to notice what’s taking up that space, cancer included, and ask whether it deserves as much attention as it’s getting.

The answer may be different on different days. The week of a scan, cancer may reasonably take up more space (but it doesn’t need to fill you with fear). A family crisis may need more of you for a while. Something important at work may move to the front of the line.

The point isn’t to divide your attention perfectly. It’s to right-size it at any given point in time.

And sometimes the hard part isn’t recognizing that something is taking up more mental and emotional real estate than you want it to. It’s knowing how to let it go.

So get curious.

What are you consciously giving your attention to that doesn’t really need it?

What are you knowingly monitoring that was never actually yours to manage?

What might your brain be quietly tracking in the background without you even realizing it's doing it?

And what, including cancer, is taking up more mental and emotional real estate than you want to give it?

You don’t have to stop caring.

You don’t have to become irresponsible.

You just get to be more intentional about what earns your attention and how much of it you want to give.

My cats can spend all morning supervising the recycling truck if they want.

But you have better things to do with your energy.

And if you’re starting to realize that far too much of your mental and emotional energy is going to things you can’t control, things that aren’t really yours to carry, things that have been running quietly in the background, or cancer, you don’t have to figure out how to change that by yourself.

Sometimes it’s hard to even see what you’ve been carrying until someone helps you start sorting through it. And sometimes you can see it perfectly well but don't know how to get your brain to let it go.

If you’re curious about what you might be able to put down, and what you could do with all that reclaimed mental and emotional energy, book a call with me. Let’s talk about what’s taking up space in your life and how you can make more room for the things that actually matter to you.

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