I don’t know this woman.

But I feel like she has something to say.

And judging by that finger, I’m pretty sure we’re going to hear it whether we asked or not.

Which got me thinking about rules.

Cancer comes with a LOT of rules.

Show up here. Get this scan. Take this medication. Don’t take that supplement. Eat this. Don’t eat that. Call if your temperature goes above this number. Get your labs drawn on Friday before your treatment on Monday.

Some of those rules are important. Please follow them.

But then there are all the other rules.

The ones you’ve been following for years without anyone actually telling you that you have to.

Be productive.

Don’t disappoint people.

Don’t make waves.

Take care of everyone else first.

Say yes when someone needs you.

Don’t ask for too much.

And, whatever you do, don’t be difficult.

Then cancer crashes into your life and suddenly you’re exhausted, overwhelmed, scared, angry—or some combination of all four—and you’re still trying to follow rules you never consciously agreed to in the first place.

And now there are even more rules (thanks, cancer).

Don’t let anyone know you’re scared.

Protect others so they won’t worry about you.

Look and act “normal” at all costs.

Be strong. Resilient. Brave. Fight.

Be inspirational. Set an example.

Maybe it’s time to question some of them.

Because here’s something cancer has a particularly brutal way of reminding us:

Your time and energy are not unlimited.

That doesn’t mean you should quit your job, abandon all your responsibilities, and spend the rest of your life eating chocolate on a beach. Although I suppose there are worse plans.

It means you get to ask yourself whether the rules you’ve been living by actually make sense for the life you have now.

Do you really have to say yes?

Does it actually have to be done perfectly?

Are you truly responsible for keeping everyone happy?

Do you need to explain your decisions to everybody?

And is resting really “lazy”—or is that simply an old belief you’ve repeated so many times that it started sounding like a fact?

Cancer takes away an enormous amount of control. So it’s understandable if you’ve tried to regain some of it by holding even tighter to the way you’ve always done things.

But there’s another kind of control available to you.

Choice.

You can decide what matters now.

You can decide where your limited energy goes.

You can decide which expectations still deserve a place in your life—and which ones you’re finally ready to hand back. Even if you don’t know whom you’ll hand them back to. For a lot of them, just putting them down is enough, without worrying about who will pick them up.

So perhaps we could borrow a little energy from my stern friend in the photograph.

Raise the finger.

The one you really want to raise. 😉

And start questioning some of the rules.

Because you’ve already had enough things telling you how you have to live.

It’s your turn to make the rules now.

And if you’re realizing that you don’t actually know what your rules are anymore, that’s okay.

Cancer has a way of scrambling everything—what matters, what doesn’t, what you want, what you’re willing to tolerate, and even who you thought you were.

You don’t have to sort all of that out by yourself.

If you’re ready to stop living by rules that no longer fit and start figuring out what you want your life to look like now, book a call with me. We can talk about what’s getting in your way, what you want instead, and how I can help you get there.

Because it’s your life.

Let’s figure out what you want to do with it.

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