There’s an old joke: “How do you turn a couch into a bed? Tell your partner to calm down.”

It’s funny because it’s true—nothing inflames emotions faster than hearing those two little words when you're already upset. And yet, we’ve all said them or had them said to us, hoping to magically defuse tension. But instead of bringing calm, they tend to pour gasoline on the fire. Why is that?

Because feelings don’t vanish on command. You can’t just will them away or force them down. Suppressing emotions might seem like the fastest route to peace, but here’s the catch: feelings don’t just disappear. They’re like a beach ball you try to push underwater—it might stay submerged for a while, but it’s going to pop up eventually. And when it does, it’s usually at the worst possible moment.

Think about it: when’s the last time you snapped at someone over something small? Odds are, it wasn’t about the thing itself. It was about all the stress, anger, or sadness you’d been bottling up. Suppressed emotions don’t dissolve; they fester. They build pressure until they burst, leaving us feeling out of control.

So, what’s the alternative? The answer isn’t to fight your emotions but to face them. 

Accept them. Feel them. Process them. 

That doesn’t mean wallowing indefinitely—it means giving yourself space to acknowledge what you’re experiencing. Only then can you start to release the grip those feelings have on you.

It’s not always easy, and it can be uncomfortable. But emotions are like waves—they rise, peak, and eventually fall away. If you allow yourself to ride the wave instead of fighting it, you’ll come out the other side with a clearer head and a calmer heart - and way less exhausted. And when you’re calm, truly calm, that’s when you can move forward.

The next time you feel overwhelmed or want to tell someone else to “calm down,” pause. Take a deep breath. Instead of pushing feelings aside, ask, “What am I really feeling right now?” Then listen. You might be surprised at the peace that comes when you stop fighting the tide.

If you have trouble with any of this - whether you tend to push your emotions away, or you tend to push someone else’s emotions away, please reach out. I’d love to teach you some tips on how to do it!

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