What can you do to have more of a sense of control over your life? 

And exactly how much control do you need, anyway?

Feeling like your life is out of control can be incredibly overwhelming. The pressure of balancing work, personal life, and self-care often leaves you feeling like you're barely holding it together. 

But what if I told you that reclaiming control is more about your mindset than about the actual events happening around you?

It turns out that what gets us freaked out is not how much control we have, but whether the amount of control we have is different than the amount of control we think we’re supposed to have.

Letting go of the need for control actually increases your sense of control (and likely also increases how much control you have).

The amount of control you need varies from person to person. Some of us crave complete control, down to the minute details, while others are content with a more go-with-the-flow approach. 

The key is finding the right balance for you—enough control to feel secure, but not so much that you’re trying to micromanage every aspect of your life, which will make you and everyone else around you crazy.

To start regaining a sense of control, focus on what's within your power. 

My husband has late-stage Alzhemer’s disease. 

Once I let go of the idea that I could control the situation, or much of his behavior, my life got a lot better. 

There is no point in struggling to control things that are beyond your control. 

This doesn’t mean I have no influence - when he’s agitated or combative, singing to him helps. Attempting to redirect him sometimes helps. 

But trying to force him to do something he doesn’t want to do doesn’t - and letting that bother me doesn’t help either of us. 

My acceptance of where he is in the disease process, and who he is right now, is the secret to our happiness (whatever that means for him). Trying to control something that is outside my control serves nobody.

How does this apply in your life?

You can't change everything, but you can change how you respond. 

Take a deep breath and ask yourself: What can I influence right now? 

Maybe it's your schedule, your boundaries, or even just your attitude toward a challenging situation.

 By focusing on these areas, you start to create a ripple effect of positive change. Change what you can, and accept what you cannot.

Boundaries often are something you can control. Note that boundaries are not about what other people do - they’re about how you respond. 

You need to know when to say no, even to yourself. 

This might mean setting limits on how much you work, how many commitments you take on, or how often you let negative thoughts spiral. 

Boundaries aren't about shutting things out; they're about protecting what's important to you—your time, energy, and peace of mind.

Don’t underestimate the power of small actions that can increase your sense of order and control.

Start with tiny steps, like organizing one part of your day or carving out 15 minutes for something you love. These small victories can build momentum and help you feel more in control overall.

Remember that control isn’t about having power over everything. It’s about feeling empowered to make choices that align with your values and goals. 

The amount of control you need is just enough to feel like you’re steering your own ship, even if the waters get choppy. Overdoing it will get you into trouble. The key is to learn to ride the waves and enjoy the ride.

If you need help learning to right-size your need for control or how to quit micromanaging, talk to me.

Write to me at [email protected] to let me know what you'd like help with, or book a call:

Stress/overwhelm/work-life/relationship issues: endselfsabotagenow.com

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