I am very utilitarian when it comes to food. I usually just throw it together and eat it. This is probably not a big surprise to those of you who know me.

I'm visiting a friend who does farm-to-table, absolutely gorgeous, food art and takes many photos and videos as she prepares it and before she eats it. We joked a lot about how long it took before I got to eat the food we made, and I even made a funny video about it—in addition to taking the photos you see above of food that I prepared.

But there’s more to it than that.

Not because I suddenly want to spend an hour arranging edible flowers on avocado toast (I don’t).

But because I realized something important. Something about it changed how I look at my food, but also reminded me that in quickly throwing my food together, I was ignoring one of the things I encourage my clients to do, which is to slow down, pay attention, and celebrate all the little things. I was certainly enjoying my food, but I wasn’t always acknowledging all the steps I took to prepare it.

Somewhere along the way, I had unconsciously turned food prep into a speed sport, a task to complete rather than part of the experience itself. I love food and I love to eat. And I have to love the food I eat—if I don’t like it, I’m not going to eat it. But the preparation? That became about optimizing my efficiency. Get it done quickly and practically. Save time. Move on to the next thing.

And I think a lot of women—especially women who have gone through cancer—end up living this way without even realizing it. And I’m not just talking about food preparation.

Cancer has a way of pushing you into survival mode. Your brain becomes focused on appointments, scans, medications, side effects, work responsibilities, family responsibilities, finances, energy conservation… all the things. You start prioritizing function over experience.

You eat standing at the counter.

You multitask through meals.

You convince yourself that if something is healthy, that’s good enough.

And to be fair, sometimes that is enough. Sometimes survival mode is necessary. And anyone who knows me knows that as a recovering perfectionist I preach about the ideas that “done is better than perfect” and that different things require different levels of perfection. The art is in learning to distinguish which is which.

But back to my friend.

The point is that it’s not really about the food.

It’s about permission.

Permission to slow down.

Permission to create beauty.

Permission to experience something instead of simply completing a task.

Because here’s the thing I see so often after cancer: many women become incredibly utilitarian about their entire lives.

“If it works, it’s fine.”

“Good enough.”

“Just get through the day.”

You stop asking yourself whether something feels joyful, nourishing, meaningful, peaceful, beautiful, or alive. You focus on managing. Coping. Functioning.

And after a while, that starts to feel normal.

But surviving and living are not the same thing.

Cancer changes your relationship with time. It changes your relationship with your body. It changes your relationship with uncertainty. And often, without realizing it, you start treating yourself like someone whose job is simply to keep everything running.

You become the manager of your life instead of an active participant in it.

So maybe the lesson here isn’t actually about food presentation.

Maybe it’s about noticing where you’ve stopped allowing softness, creativity, pleasure, beauty, rest, or intentionality into your life because you became so focused on efficiency and responsibility.

Maybe it’s about asking yourself:

Where have I reduced life to a checklist?

Where have I stopped making things beautiful for me?

Where have I convinced myself that joy is optional?

Because one of the hardest parts of life after cancer is that many women are still emotionally living as though the emergency is happening right now — even years later.

Always bracing.

Always rushing.

Always optimizing.

Always surviving.

And maybe healing sometimes looks like something much smaller and quieter than we expect.

Maybe it looks like putting the strawberries on the plate intentionally.

Using the pretty dishes.

Sitting down instead of standing at the counter.

Not because you’re trying to impress anyone.

But because you are slowly relearning that your life is not just something to manage.

It’s something you’re allowed to experience.

You don’t have to turn everything in your life into a production. I spend a lot of time coaching women not to turn everything into a production and helping them learn to let go of the need for perfection in every area of their life. Helping them figure out when “good enough” is truly “good enough” and when they need better than “good enough.”

But sometimes? Can you find a few places in your life to stop and smell the roses?

To slow down long enough to notice and experience your life again.

Because life after cancer isn’t supposed to be just one long exercise in getting through the day.

You are allowed to create a life that feels nourishing, meaningful, peaceful, joyful, and alive.

And sometimes that healing begins in much smaller moments than we expect.

Because after cancer, healing isn’t just about surviving.

It’s about learning how to fully inhabit your life again.

If you’re struggling to figure out how to do that, you don’t have to do it alone. If you’d like support figuring out your next steps, I invite you to schedule a complimentary From Surviving to Thriving Breakthrough Consult Call. We’ll talk about what’s weighing on you, where you may still be stuck in survival mode, and what it could look like to create a life that feels more like living again.

P.S. And in case you’re wondering, after spending a few weeks with my friend, I will absolutely spend a little more time on the art of food preparation and making my meals beautiful.

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