Valentine’s Day is coming up fast, and if you’re anything like most people, you’ve already started imagining what that day ought to look like. Maybe you’re picturing the perfect dinner, a thoughtful gift, or some romantic surprise that makes you feel deeply seen and loved. 

But here’s the thing: Are you hoping your partner will just magically know what you want? Or are you actually telling them?

Let’s get real for a second. Most of us have fallen into the “They should know!” trap more times than we’d like to admit. 

We think, “If they love me, they’ll figure it out. I shouldn’t have to ask.” 

And hey, I get it. There’s something so romantic about the idea of a partner who knows us so well that they can perfectly anticipate our every wish. But here’s the problem with that mindset: Most people are not mind readers. Not even the really amazing, deeply loving ones.

This is especially common for women. We’re often taught to anticipate other people’s needs—to notice what makes them happy and act on it without being asked. So when we flip the script, we expect the same in return. And when it doesn’t happen? Cue disappointment and resentment. It feels like they don’t care. Like they don’t get us. But is it possible that they do care, and they’re doing the best they can with the information they have?

Here’s the good news: This year, you can avoid the Valentine’s Day letdown by starting the conversation now. Yes, right now—weeks before the day. Tell your partner what would make you feel loved. And forget dropping hints. Assume your partner is oblivious and just tell them what you want.

For example, try this: “You know what would make me really happy this Valentine’s Day? A bouquet of my favorite flowers, some takeout, and a cozy night in with you.” See how much easier that is for them? It’s not “ruining the romance.” It’s setting your partner up for success and helping you actually get what you want.

If you’re in a newer relationship or this kind of directness feels weird, you can still approach it playfully. Something like, “So, what’s the Valentine’s Day plan? Because I have a few ideas that would make it amazing!” This keeps it light but still gets your point across.

And if you’ve been together for a while, think of this as a chance to help your partner love you better. Relationships aren’t about one-time grand gestures—they’re about learning and growing together. So, if last year didn’t hit the mark, don’t stew over it. Instead, use it as a teaching moment. Share what’s important to you, and give them the tools to show up for you in the way you need.

Because here’s the thing: Your partner probably wants to make you happy. They just might need a little guidance to get it right. And that’s okay! When you communicate your needs clearly, you’re not only more likely to have a Valentine’s Day that feels special—you’re also building a stronger connection that lasts long after the roses have wilted.

So, what do you really want this Valentine’s Day? Think about it, and then tell them. Trust me, it’ll make all the difference.

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